In which intrepid explorer and restless wanderer Anthony Bourdain channelled his inner Joseph Conrad and (nearly) went full-on Kurtz on the Congo River.
The demarcation line between Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of Congo (DMC), or just plain “Congo” to seasoned travellers like the late Tony Bourdain, is easy to spot, if not that easy to navigate, according to more than a few present-day explorers, including writer Thurston Clarke in his compelling travelogue Equator.
The meticulous, painstakingly maintained road comes to a sudden end, and you’re suddenly driving through a pool of mud and brackish, brown floodwaters. Welcome to Congo. Please don’t neglect to notice the border guards in jungle fatigues and sporting AK-47s — they may want a gratuity. It’s just the polite thing to do. You’re in somebody else’s country, after all. Be patient and courteous. Oh, and gratuities are best paid in USD, preferably in mint condition bills. Ben Franklins will do.
Bourdain wanted to go down the river —yes, that river — ever since he first read Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. Francis Coppola’s landmark film Apocalypse Now — Bourdain was a noted admirer — came later, long before A Cook’s Tour set Bourdain on his true path.
In 2013, following Bourdain’s jump to CNN from the Travel Channel — bugger budgets, more prestige and, most importantly to Bourdain, a more serious geopolitical and philosophical worldview — he finally got his wish.
True, it almost killed him, but, as another noted writer-philosopher put it, what does not kill you makes you stronger.
Fun fact: As serious and bracing as the Parts Unknown episode Congo is — the final episode of Parts Unknown’s debut season — it’s nothing compared to what really happened behind the scenes when Bourdain channelled his inner Col. Kurtz a little too closely and mayhem ensued. Bourdain, feeling the effects of late-night heat, humidity, swirling insects and one shot too many on an empty stomach, suddenly got the urge to whip up an impromptu coq au vin for himself and the crew. He insisted every member of his inner circle, including — especially including — his terrified director/producer Tom Vitale, who did as he was told, to kill their own chicken. Vitale botched the job, as he feared he would, and suffered a near full-on nervous breakdown as a result.
The rumble in the jungle takes up a full chapter in Tom Vitale’s confessional In the Weeds, and the real story, believe it or not, is every bit as harrowing as what we see on the screen today.
You don’t say no to the boss late at night in the middle of the jungle, on an untrustworthy boat where some hapless fool has neglected/forgotten/never intended to put down the anchor and the boat is now drifting aimlessly Christ knows where down a snake and crocodile infested river noted for the sheer number of people who go down the river and never return, not to mention the fact that the generator, never much good in the first place, keeps kicking out and Bourdain, wielding a huge knife and cursing everyone and everything in the middle of the Congo night — well, let’s just say this isn’t like sipping piña coladas on a tropical beach somewhere, say, La Playuela Cabo Rojo in Puerto Rico.
Coq au vin might not sound that ambitious — it’s simply chicken braised with wine, preferably a red Burgundy, with lardons, mushrooms and garlic.
The Congo poses its own unique set of challenges though, especially late at night, surrounded by venomous snakes, spiders and giant jungle moths with poison for blood and the fixer/head-of-expedition security is shouting at the top of his lungs, telling people not to swat away the giant moths because God only knows what might get under your skin if you do that — and, oh, did we mention, the hapless director/producer is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
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“Casually attired in a khaki shirt, Clark boots and his trademark Persol sunglasses, Tony made trekking through war-torn Congo look effortless,” Vitale opens the chapter Heart of Darkness with.
By the end, Vitale has changed his tune.
“Like many travellers who find themselves in a moral inferno, we’d begun in search of Tony’s childhood heart of darkness adventure fantasy.
“What we’d found was something different… maybe Tony could still say something that would justify why we’d risked life, limb, and sanity to go to the middle of the freakin’ Congo. I needed to know if it meant something to Tony. That I wasn’t disposable. I wanted to know if it had all been worth it. Or if he thought it hadn’t.”
Bourdain touches on that in his voice-over.
“Nine days of threats of imprisonment, confiscation of footage, and what was the most chaotic, difficult, yet amazing trip of my life,” he begins.
Then, the coq au vin:
“Our chickens are thin, scraggly, and tough. In order to make anything any kind of edible, I'm probably going to have to stew the crap out of ‘em."
“You want to eat?” he tells his crew at one point. “You gotta kill your own chicken, and pluck it, too.”
And then, the bugs.
“Crush the wrong one of these moths while swatting at your face and you will blow up like a balloon,” Bourdain says. “Seriously.”
On realizing his childhood dreams:
“It is written that I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice. I think I understand what that means now.”
And finally, when it dawns on him that this may have been a very bad idea:
“They'll find us ten years later, naked in the bush with a necklace of Spam cans.”
And finally, in his field notes at the very end, blessed perspective:
“At the time that my crew and I drove across the border into Goma, there were nearly 30 different rebel groups and militias — many of them aligned with the Congo’s neighbouring countries, fighting it out across the country.
“One of them, M23 [short for March 23 Movement] were fighting amongst themselves only 10 miles away.
“The official armed forces of the Congo, the FARDC, were said to be on their way — an outcome generally considered to be a worst-case scenario, as they are widely regarded as professionals in the business of extortion, murder, mass rape, and robbery, rather than simply amateurs.”
Perspective!
“We were, during our shoot, extremely fortunate. Relative to most, we had a luxuriously unmolested, violence-free time.
“We were extorted, detained, and threatened daily. But such is life in the Congo.”
Bottom line:
“The Congo is a place where everything is fine. Until it isn’t.”
Enjoy the show!
The view, this one anyway, looks so much better from the comfort and safety of the couch.
CNN